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Machu Picchu
Windswept terraces adrift the clouds that hover over the River Urubamba having never touched the swords of the Spaniards a humbling Peruvian Shangri-La! would I ever see those magnificent ruins? or hike those cloud topped mountains? the sunlight glimmers her heavy eyes the curtains dimming couldn't stop how long have I been alive? before the morning's first cup she ponders the vanity of the truth long disposed of in her youth soggy footsteps propel my muddy stride drifting thoughts cloud my weary dreams sullen lamp posts guide my teary eyes broken memories trample my revelry leads me back to something lost leaves me grasping desperate thoughts the moonlight glimmers her lovely eyes the curtains dimming couldn't stall how long have I been denied? before the evening's last call she ponders the sanity of the world long exposed for what it's worth foggy raindrops pummel the city streets drenching blame scolds this dreary night awoken from these hopeless dreams a weary sign amidst the neon light brings me back to yesteryear to something I no longer fear and though I've walked a million miles I've never hiked those cloud topped mountains never stopped and stayed a while all alone this life will fade away; uncertain never seeing my dreams come true never glimpsing Machu Picchu. |
Forever
Love, soulful, boundless, and true. Where has it been? All these years. I couldn't live another day without it. Without you. Without me. Without forever. 'Whatever' I said. Forever. 'T'is a long time.' 'No!' I exclaimed. Lost in silence. My tomb. Shimmering, sunlight, pasteled, happiness, her rays. Laughter, drinking, singing, loving the night away. Her world. An illusion. I merely dream. A fantasy. To me. So true. In her world. Forever far away from me. 'Alone!' I cried. No wonder. She remained aloof far away. 'Whatever' she said. Forever. 'Tisn't long enough.' Silence, stunning, oblivion, surrendered, and through. Where have I been? All these years. She couldn't care less if she ever sees me again. Happy to oblige. Suicide. My life. Nevermind. 'Whatever' I said. Forever. 'Tis a long time to sleep.' 'No!' I surmised. Lost in memories. My dream. |
As I Walked
My last weekend on this planet and now I'm saddened and excited for the coming end stately halls and manicured lawns that surrounds them all as I walked outside their hallowed walls remembering all that came between how she would never see the bitterness left in me somewhere she drove to where she needed to steer unaware of just how much I cared someday there will be a day when this will all be explained when she will see the rain falling from my grave. |
I WIll Fight No More
The hour is upon me drop the blade; drink the wine fill me; this silent night I will fight no more just let me be this angel hears me deadly her game; secrets alone that I know destiny; the bitter truth won't let me be hope: the enemy of resolution silently she creeps upon the weak's bosom wrench this heart please, let me be hate: the innocence of truth solemnly he screams open the wounded soul let it fly; soar! please, let me go this is how it ends no more lonely dreams upon the silent nights I will fight no more now I am free! |
Fading Into Never
Rolling clouds blowing across the dreary sky muddy feet trudging over the city streets Stop! says the sign standing over me bleak clouds bleed into the weary night black crows plead under the lightning's gleam Walk! screams the light blinking next to me silver clouds shimmer over the misty glow heavy eyes linger unto the morning's glimmer Yield! cries the rainbow fading into never. |
To Never
Talk talk talk over and over and over brick walls never listen sealed up; encased; entombed the truth is muted forever walk walk walk over and over to nowhere empty streets never hasten far ahead; in front; in the distance the future is lost forever dream dream dream over and over all over nightmares never lessen somewhere; sometime; someplace tomorrow is changed to never. |
Missing
Missing check my windows and doors no one's there gone leave me alone nevermore left by the roadside the drifter lies must keep travelin' on somewhere best used before this date milk carton picture have you seen me nowhere bled by the dawn anyone can see never goes by so quick rainbow calm after the storm the slumber sun rising in my wake. |
My Destiny; My Legacy
As long as I could remember I worried about my destiny fighting the inevitable would anyone remember- my legacy? then with the wind on that beautiful day came understanding; accepting; my place; my fate maybe my fate was to be unloved; alone - a poet! someone had to be. everyone and everything has it's place how perfect could it be? I smiled. my destiny; my legacy they are one and the same all those years I fought it but once I fully embraced it then I was free. to be - me! whether it leads me to a bright future or paving to the end; let it be whatever it may be. take me. everyone and everything in it's place - forever! |
Lost Inside The Ruse
Know this my time has come time to go remember nothing do what you want to you always do anyway live in paradise live in sin remember always how lucky you are compared to me compared to everyone lay me down this tomb eternally I slumber very far away from you from forgiveness from the truth burning inside of you you will know that I was right that I was something besides what you believe but now it's too late forever is a long time to regret but whatever was the use you could never see the truth inside of me the bitterness mistaken forever in your ruse lost inside of me forever is a long time to sleep without dreams but not as long as this hell that I must escape deep inside the truth that you forever keep locked inside the ruse but whatever can I do but give into you lost inside my shoes never will you step but this dream may someday seep deep inside your sleep waking up the truth lost inside of you but then will be too late as this desperate need will not be denied deep inside of me lost inside your ruse locked away deep inside the truth long forgotten without the key escaping to the night creeping on the sky my desperate need burning deep inside of me lost away inside the truth hiding in the dawn creeping on the night burning bright beside the ruse lost inside of me held forever in your truth. |
Still
It's five o'clock and I'm sitting here absently watching the world turn around me everything changes it's time just lost as I'm sitting here aimlessly waiting for my turn around me everyone races it's been so long I'm still sitting here endlessly watching the wheels turn around me everyday ages. |
And So I Left
and I could hear them all calling out to me but I was nowhere to be found hidden - alone in the darkness that surrounded me and I could see them all outside - alive so alive - in the world that enlivens them but I'm frightened so frightened - of the light enlightening them to what had become of me and so I left them all alone in the brightness that had blinded them in the dawn - aglow so aglow - how it shows everything - the memories enlightening them that that was all that was left of me |
Temptation To Sorrow
Go back to my yesterdays where everything mattered bring back my better days before it's all over take me from tomorrow like it ever mattered save me from my sorrow before it's forever hold me down forever sold to my memories broken into this never to hold my revelry forsaken this bitterness partaken this lesson mistaken this emptiness forgiven the confession temptation to sorrow contradiction this letter forsaken tomorrow partaken forever. |
The Debt
My death will not cleanse the debt that was owed me that was taken from me reparation unlikely uncertainty desperation from me that was mistaken that has shown me that death will not cleanse my debt. |
The Bitter Truth
Glorious pain infuse me fill me this desperate need take it all away once I was lost to you to youth this bitter truth but what the cost this desperate need can't fight my destiny. |
Broken Amiss
Harken me back the old days my memories ablaze; so fresh history can't be redone what's done is done forever broken amiss the bold forgive my reticence abides; silence yesterday can't be undone once it's gone, it's gone forever |
She Moves
She moves from one success to the next upward and onward she moves I’m lost amidst failures the future unknown and alone I’m lost |
No Holiday
Christmas in my room christmas spent alone no ghosts, no elves, no dreams just me ever so alone christmas without snow no holiday from the truth no joy awaited in this gloom no cookies, no milk, no gifts just this emptiness that grows inside of me christmas spent all alone christmas in my tomb no lights, no cards, no wreaths just these memories keeping me from sleep unraveled, untethored, unlathered, conviction on razor, on savior, on prayer, submission no fear, no tears, no need just this desire to sleep growing eternally christmas without hope no holiday from this truth no New Year's resolution no promises left to keep. |
Scars
Everyone has scars and like lies some are just easier to hide than others it's these lies that we tell others over and over that make us that break us that shape our lives forever |
Melancholy
melancholy
the holy emotion
the gods of reason
only forgive
the meak
the weary
remember
fallen glory
and such
nonsense
purgatory
the foolish devotion
the youth of wisdom
always forgets
the truth
the many
surrender
fallow worry
yet regret
nonetheless
melancholy
the holy emotion
the gods of reason
only forgive
the meak
the weary
remember
fallen glory
and such
nonsense
purgatory
the foolish devotion
the youth of wisdom
always forgets
the truth
the many
surrender
fallow worry
yet regret
nonetheless
Ramblings
I've never been so alone
all these years
I thought would be
leading me
somewhere
simply left me here
maybe I always knew
this would be my destiny
my fate
now in this empty hand
my gun
how did I get here?
my head lurches up
I awake - what a dream!
was I dead? Wait!
have I been here before?
my childhood home
my bedroom - the bunkbed
where my brother
no longer slept
thankfully
is this real? Wait!
have I been here before?
was I given another chance?
it all seems to fade
I drift to sleep
with the sun I arise
no longer aware
of all that came between
I turn off my clock radio
November 1987
ahh another day in school - blah!
making my way to the bathroom
I glimpse my shadow
bathing - eating
hurrying out the door
barely registering
the significance of this morning
walking ever walking
to high school
another day of being alone
another day of being mocked
or forgotten
no one knows I'm alive
usually
least of all me
where goes the time?
it seems so slow
yet so quick to fade
like the memories
obscured between
walking again home
alone
always so alone
home - no one's there
few hours before
they darken my door
making some kind of TV dinner
I go to my room
alone
music, poems, and me
the trio of sorrow
mesmerized by the bliss
instilled by the three
the loneliness of dreams
the sorrow of the home
alone
another day in school
I roam the halls
I should do the work
but I dream. I write. I listen
others unaware
so unaware of me
invisible
I dream. I write. I listen
to them
I dream. I write. I listen
of them. Of me. Of it all
but not the same
like it never happened
but it happened
differently
that I dreamed, I wrote, I listened
completely differently
than the world
as it seemed
I dream. I write. I listen
I was never really there
anyway
someday they will all
see the greatness
that is me
the unheralded
nteresting person
that I dream
whatever
I yawn
unaware
of all that came between
never
the mission impossible
had I chose to accept it
anyway
I get up - Saturday - no school!
no one to not notice
that I wasn't there
anyway
whatever - I scoffed
the radio plays
ahh the late 80s
although today
I wouldn't even know
the difference
switching tunes
I play the guitar god
I wish I could be
never
somewhere between
the ramblings, the weekend
and the memories forgotten
I made myself scarce
my parents never seem
unnoticed, sequestered
alone
my room - my home
I dream. I write. I sleep.
about me, love, loss,
everything I'll never have
unaware
of all that came
before, after, and again
alone
I dream. I write. I sleep
whatever
Is this all I'll ever be
alone
I dreamed. I wrote. I slept.
through the years
unnoticed
alone
where do I go
from here?
I dreamed. I wrote. I listened.
the answer
never came
whatever
I've never been so alone
all these years
I thought would be
leading me
somewhere
simply left me here
maybe I always knew
this would be my destiny
my fate
now in this empty hand
my gun
how did I get here?
my head lurches up
I awake - what a dream!
was I dead? Wait!
have I been here before?
my childhood home
my bedroom - the bunkbed
where my brother
no longer slept
thankfully
is this real? Wait!
have I been here before?
was I given another chance?
it all seems to fade
I drift to sleep
with the sun I arise
no longer aware
of all that came between
I turn off my clock radio
November 1987
ahh another day in school - blah!
making my way to the bathroom
I glimpse my shadow
bathing - eating
hurrying out the door
barely registering
the significance of this morning
walking ever walking
to high school
another day of being alone
another day of being mocked
or forgotten
no one knows I'm alive
usually
least of all me
where goes the time?
it seems so slow
yet so quick to fade
like the memories
obscured between
walking again home
alone
always so alone
home - no one's there
few hours before
they darken my door
making some kind of TV dinner
I go to my room
alone
music, poems, and me
the trio of sorrow
mesmerized by the bliss
instilled by the three
the loneliness of dreams
the sorrow of the home
alone
another day in school
I roam the halls
I should do the work
but I dream. I write. I listen
others unaware
so unaware of me
invisible
I dream. I write. I listen
to them
I dream. I write. I listen
of them. Of me. Of it all
but not the same
like it never happened
but it happened
differently
that I dreamed, I wrote, I listened
completely differently
than the world
as it seemed
I dream. I write. I listen
I was never really there
anyway
someday they will all
see the greatness
that is me
the unheralded
nteresting person
that I dream
whatever
I yawn
unaware
of all that came between
never
the mission impossible
had I chose to accept it
anyway
I get up - Saturday - no school!
no one to not notice
that I wasn't there
anyway
whatever - I scoffed
the radio plays
ahh the late 80s
although today
I wouldn't even know
the difference
switching tunes
I play the guitar god
I wish I could be
never
somewhere between
the ramblings, the weekend
and the memories forgotten
I made myself scarce
my parents never seem
unnoticed, sequestered
alone
my room - my home
I dream. I write. I sleep.
about me, love, loss,
everything I'll never have
unaware
of all that came
before, after, and again
alone
I dream. I write. I sleep
whatever
Is this all I'll ever be
alone
I dreamed. I wrote. I slept.
through the years
unnoticed
alone
where do I go
from here?
I dreamed. I wrote. I listened.
the answer
never came
whatever
February
Sunny February Saturday
afternoon
in my room
there I lay
alone in my gloom
windy blustery Saturday
afternoon
in my room
half awake
alone I bemused
weary revelry swept away
memories
like my dreams
yesterday
restless like my sleep
dreary February swept away
everything
like my dreams
everyday
endless like my sleep.
Somewhere
Broken; tired
I looked behind
at my life; lost
somewhere behind; me
found my way
through; the night
seems so long; the journey
to somewhere; I cannot see.